What would Hallmark Christmas movies look like if they played in Bangkok?

Some say Hallmark movies are essential for a complete Christmas. Now, imagine if they took place in Bangkok. What would that look like? We have some ideas — you’re welcome, Netflix.

A busy girl from the city rediscovers the meaning of Christmas after meeting a hunky guy from a small town who meets her three times a day by pure coincidence. They’re both caucasian, wearing red and green, and citing dialogue no one would say in real life. They fall in love but not without having the kiss interrupted at least once, and the busy girl quits her job at evil corporate and doesn’t hate Christmas anymore. We know what Hallmark movies are like, but what would they be like if they were made in Bangkok? We compiled a list of possibilities.

[Hero and Featured Image Credit: RobyThai543/Unsplash]

I've updated my Hallmark movie montage with 2019's crop. Poster formula still going strong. pic.twitter.com/om0CQoZ4lu

— Dave Addey (@daveaddey) December 14, 2019

What would Hallmark movies be like if they were made in Bangkok?

1. Snow is essential to a good Hallmark setting, so the closest thing in Bangkok would be ordering bingsu at After You. Be sure to also get the Shibuya honey toast that tastes like diabetes doused with honey.

2. That old guy with a full beard and grey hair could turn out to be Santa Claus as the final twist of the movie, and we have plenty of those in Soi 11. Look out, it can be any one of them giving you holiday joy.

3. Winter means hot chocolate. How else will you convey to the audience you’re in need of something warm? Let the protagonist sit and observe couples having a great time together with their pets at CRAFT. If the protagonist is noticeably lonely, that means a Christmas miracle is on its way.

Never ever in my life have I said "I love this song!" then found myself romantically slow dancing to Silent Night. Or any Xmas song with a religious theme.

I swear, #hallmarkchristmasmovies do the most. License some songs @hallmarkchannel

— Cosmic Soup🌌 (@cosmicsoup221b) November 16, 2022

4. The couple needs a jacket or a scarf to share for a scene, but no one in Bangkok has any use for wool scarfs ever. So, grab a silk one from Jim Thompson instead — so cultural.

5. Both leads run into one another multiple times by sheer accident. This would happen in Central World as the two struggle to find the right way to exit the building.

6. The female lead is working on a big project that will make or break the company but can she learn to take a breather so she could fall in love? In Bangkok, you do both. Asian parents will ask you about work and when are you having kids, so there’s no rest.

7. The male MC leaves their high profile job for a simpler way of life. In Bangkok, that means another cafe is opening up in Talat Noi.

“I have to tell him how I feel, the best way I know how, with gingerbread”

The absolute worst dialogue and I love it #hallmarkchristmasmovies

— Sarah Walker (@sarahsarahwalk) November 18, 2022

8. By around mid-movie, the two leads struggle to say goodbye to each other without looking at each other longingly. Red Sky at Centara Grand is perfect, because you need to wait for, like, three elevators to get back down.

9. The protagonists are enjoying a dinner together but there seems to be some food on her face that must be wiped off — in a joking manner, because they’re totally friends casually having a meal at Saneh Larb Koi.

10. “Speak from the heart” says one of the lead’s mothers, and there’s no better place to do it as you’re having a cigarette with strangers outside Teens of Thailand.

11. We need both leads to walk down Dreamworld, so a child could come up and ask if they’re a couple, leading to an awkward moment.

12. Oh no, the male protagonist had the chance to tell the female protagonist he loves her, but not before she had to leave town forever, so he had to chase after her so she could listen to what he has to say. In Bangkok, she would still be stuck in traffic, so he’s sorted.