10 rules for dating a bartender, according to those who have tried

What is it like to date someone who is never available in the evenings, sleeps in until noon, and drinks shots on a daily basis? Asking those who have experience in the field, we put together 10 golden rules for dating a bartender. Avengers (bartender girlfriends and boyfriends) assemble. We’re spilling the tea.

What is love like in the bar industry? In the run-up to Valentine’s Day, we visited some of the most exciting bars about town and asked to speak to the manager: the bartender girlfriends or boyfriends. In a world where Fernet Branca may be a daily occurrence, and 10pm is only halfway through the work day, we wanted to get the tea (the tea-based cocktail?) on what the dating scene looks like in this particular industry.

While it may often seem like endless partying and casual fling and flirting, there are several bartenders who are in serious, committed relationships. We asked their partners to share their secrets, and collated the 10 best tips for dating someone who works behind the bar. Gathering responses from those who are bartenders themselves, and others who work in distant, unrelated fields, the advice we got was sobering and supportive. Whether you’re single or looking to mingle your way into the heart of a bartender, here’s what Bangkok’s very own bar industry WAGs had to say.

10 rules for dating a bartender, according to those who have tried

Prepare to drink a lot of shots

This first tip is kind of predictable, given that the job at hand is all about alcohol. We asked LT, an F&B professional, who has been dating a prolific bar manager for years now, to offer her thoughts. She explains, “being the girlfriend of a bartender brings a few responsibilities. You need to learn how to hold your alcohol, and if you hang out with them, get ready to welcome drinks and shots.”

Don’t be an introvert

In a similar vein, dating a bartender also means getting comfortable in social situations, and finding space and time to charge your social battery often. LT continues, “your knowledge of cocktails improves, and so do your social skills.” She jokes, “no introverts allowed.”

Learn to be very, very patient

How do you deal with a partner who is never home at night? Especially if the other partner has a more conventional work schedule, it’s important to learn to deal with this in a healthy way. “Communication and trust are crucial,” explains MS, corporate boss woman and Bangkok local. “Their job involves late nights and social interactions.” Similarly, DKZ, a Singapore-to-Bangkok bartender who is also in a relationship a bartender, agrees with this. “Dating a bartender means late nights, unpredictable schedules, and lots of social interactions,” he explains. “Trust and patience are key.”

Prepare for everyone to flirt with your partner

Every bartender girlfriend or boyfriend needs to develop thick skin. Whether it’s to get free drinks or to revel in their F&B fame, bartenders can have their own kind of groupies, but knowing your worth and placing trust in your partner will help you sleep better. LT says it’s important to manage your jealous side. “Bartenders receive way too much attention from the pretty ladies (and boys),” she says. “No worries, it’s harmless.”

Nonetheless, it does happen. As TC, an accomplished female bartender who is also dating a bartender, elaborates: “We get a lot of attention, whether it’s from guest or other industry folk, so it’s important to keep the convo open about boundaries, and remember that flirting is just part of the job, not the real thing.”

She continues, “jealousy might sneak in, but it’s normal and can be handled with some good old honesty.” DKZ adds, “don’t be the clingy barfly.”

Forget about productive Mondays

While bartender boyfriends and girlfriends have an unconventional daily schedule, their weekly schedule also sees a unique shift. Valentine’s Day? New Year’s Eve? Public holidays? It is likely you won’t get to enjoy a romantic evening somewhere, as they’ll be working at the bar. DKZ says, “weekend dates are rare, so be flexible.”

A marketing professional who moved to Bangkok, RD details the new drinking habits you’ll encounter: “Forget about productive Mondays at work, because Sunday is the night to drink.”

Get your passport ready for bar-hopping abroad

A great perk to dating a bartender is the travel opportunity. Guest shifts are a huge trend in this industry at the moment, and if bartender bae can bring a plus-one, you’ll get to see and stay at some fantastic locations. When they aren’t travelling for work, bartenders still like to explore local bar scenes. “Bar hops are part of your days off and vacations,” explains LT.

View the bar like an office, treat the job like any other

While some work in an office building, bartenders work in a bar. Whatever the physical workplace, it is important to treat it with respect, even if a bar might have the appearance of a fun place to work. Like in any other job, this also means that your bartender boyfriend or girlfriend needs time to decompress after work.

“Be patient if they don’t give you their full attention right away,” says MS. “Carving out some downtime is a must,” adds TC.

Respect the craft, support the hustle

Personal achievements look different for everybody, and even though a bar may be a “fun” place to be, there’s still plenty of work involved. “Respect their craft, support their hustle, and don’t assume they always want to drink,” says DKZ.

Like in any relationship, it is good to show support. MS, who works in a very different field, has acknowledged this. “Celebrate their achievements, whether it’s mastering a new cocktail or surviving a crazy shift.”

Be the calm to their storm

When your job involves pouring shots and giving people a night they might not remember, coming home to a place of calm can be paramount. “Their job involves managing chaos,” explains MS. “Your support can be a soothing balance. Be the calm to their storm.”

As a bartender, TC welcomes this, and offers her perspective. “It might look like we’re not giving our partners enough attention, but we still want to make time for them. It’s all about balancing the hustle with the people we care about.”

Roll with the craziness

Despite the late nights, the flirting, and the damage to your liver, dating a bartender can be a lot of fun, and can be a healthy relationship like any other. The key is to “appreciate that bartending is more than just a job,” as DKZ explains.

LT echoes the sentiment, and touches on the warm community that comes with dating a bartender: “The bar industry is one of the most supportive communities ever, even if you are ‘only the girlfriend,’ you become part of it.”

“At the end of the day, dating a bartender can be super fun if you’re both on the same page, and know how to roll with the craziness,” concludes TC.